Emotional Ride
I have been a bundle of emotions this week. I go back and forth between feeling ecstatic about life and the opportunities that I have and feeling sad and aimless. I’m not sure why I am having such wild mood swings. Possible explanations:
Lack of sleep…waking up at four in the morning to go to work
A massive consumption of coffee…I wake up at four and work at Starbucks what do you expect?
The fact that I picked up my life and completely changed everything by moving to Cali.
Whatever the cause I am taking it the best way I know how, which is not to try and change my feelings about life but to accept them as they come and feel them fully. For instance, today I went running in the rain and cried while listening to Celine Dion…but the fact that I did this makes me laugh. I am struggling to define myself and the life I want, but I am so glad I am having these emotional responses, it shows me how much I care. I know great things will happen for me in life, but right now I need to focus on the journey and all that comes along with it.
This is the first time in a month that I don’t have any auditions lined up, and I feel a little empty without them. Granted I had twelve auditions last month which is more than a lot of actors can say, but they became an enjoyable habit. Step by step I can take what comes into my life.
Just wanted to share what was going on lately. Hope to have good news to share with you soon!!
posted by Alissa Christensen | 3:37 PM
1 Comments:
It is very tough to be doing what we are doing. We have had a regimented life for nearly 15 years. To not have a regimen that is strict and to have no control and only direction is very daunting. The first five months were unbearable, a lot of baths with the candles lit and Miles Davis blaring out of my speakers. But the unpredictability is something I expect and I'm able to bounce into shape and prioritize things now. I no longer procrastinate but rather time everything :-) You will be going through what your going through for awhile, and it wont stop for a long time. Until it just clicks or you hear a forgotten phrase in a song that you ascribe to. My mom always tells me that I am doing the hardest thing that anyone can do right now, trying to make a living in a profession that has no respect and even less chances. But it is my determination to succeed and my ability to put everything on the line whenever I get an opportunity that is keeping me from showering in the dark to Kenny G. You are a bright, warm, caring woman who has a great man who worships the ground upon which you tread. You are going to be a success in anything you want. Even if it takes running in the rain every once in a while to do it.
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